Jokes

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Jokes

Post  devil_5o5 on Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:01 pm

Jokes





Doctor,
"What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all
the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear
them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've
been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted
five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell
them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription,
will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear
your sinuses. Nextweek I want you back here for a
hearing
test
."









Pedro:
Pare, sobrang taba talaga ng Misis ko kaya't gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang!

Pablo: Sabihin mo sa Misis na mag Horseback riding siya.

Makaraan ang dalawang buwan.

Pedro: Kumusta naman ang resulta ng Horseback Riding !

Pablo: Nabawasan ng 40 Kilos ang kabayo!!









teacher:
juan, i-translate mo ito sa english

juan: yes mam, what is it mam?

teacher: Ang pato ay hinang-hinang naglalakad...

juan: (nag-isip)uhmmm...

teacher: ano nah?!

juan: kwak kwak weak weak walk walk!






JUAN;
Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata!
Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!

Juan: pare, nsusuka ko kaya lang hindi ako masuka.
Pedro: madali lang yun pare, sundot mo tonsil mo.
(sinundot ang tonsil)
Juan: hindi pa din eh
Pedro: try mo sundot puwet mo.
(sinundot ang pwet)
Juan: ayaw pa din eh..
Pedro: ngayon ska mo isundot ulit sa bibig mo.









A
PINOY LAB STORY

Dang, a beautiful Filipina fell in love with Edong.

She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she
decided to tell her Tatay (dad).

Her Tatay told her, "Dang, you'll have to find another. Your Nanay
(mom) does not know this, but Edong is your half-brother" .

So Dang forgot about her Edong, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.
But after telling tatay again, he said, "Dang, anak ko (my child), there's
trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo.
Please don't tell
your mother, but Ricardo and Edong are your half-brothers. "

Dang had no choice but to go to her Nanay. Nanay already knew and said
"Anak ko, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Edong, because
you are not related to your Tatay."









A
lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're
hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I
have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with
Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and
your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the
solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he
ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage,
holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her
parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other
male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have
been answered!"









Man:
Doc, help me uminom ako ng baygon.

Doc: Bakit, magsusuicide ka?

Man: Hindi. Nakalunok kasi ako ng buhay na ipis.

Doc: Tange! Dapat kumain ka na lang ng tsinelas.



Erap
dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai
delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang
partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si
Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho,
parusa yan kay Gretchen.
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devil_5o5

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